Boys will be boys, and let’s face it. That often means doing disgusting things. In the last two weeks, my son, Eli, has been giving me lots of gross out moments that have me shaking my head in disbelief and laughing at the same time.

Eli  has this sudden fascination with peeing outdoors. I hear from other friends that their sons and sometimes even husbands like to do this too. I don’t get it, but then again maybe it’s only something you understand if you can pee standing up.

This week we were playing in the back yard, and I quickly ran inside the house to get juice boxes. I returned to find my son with his pants down to his knees and peeing into the wind without a care in the world.  I could tell he was quite proud of his fountain show. Eli was smiling so big that you would have thought he was watching the fountain show at the Bellagio in Vegas. I was horrified that my son had suddenly turned into the decal of the peeing boy on the back of a redneck’s pick up truck.

After a lecture to Eli about not peeing outside, I thought the problem had been resolved. A few days later my husband was outside with the kids, and he spotted Eli standing on the roof  of the plastic play house  (yes, he climbed up there) and peeing off the side. I guess once you’ve mastered peeing on the grass, there’s nowhere to go but up. Then yesterday he made our sandbox a human litter box by peeing in the sand. I’m sure my friends will be declining all future play dates after reading this blog post.

All this is nothing compared to my all-time  greatest gross out moment as a parent. That happened last week on what started out as a peaceful walk. One of my neighbors likes to invite my children over for popsicles on her front porch whenever she sees us out on walks. My kids were not happy with me because I declined the invitation since they had refused to eat anything remotely nutritional all day. We saw another neighbor leaving with her kids who were proudly waving their popsciles at us.

After some intense whining, my kids finally gave up and started playing on the sidewalk as I chatted with our neighbor. Then out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Eli on his belly licking the sidewalk. “What is he doing, Holly?” exclaimed my neighbor.

“Eli! Stop licking the sidewalk right now,” I yelled. Those are words you never imagine putting together in a sentence.

Eli looked up at me with a purple face.  He had lapped up the remnants of a melted grape popsicle that another child had discarded on the sidewalk.  Yes, I’m officially grossed out now. Are you?

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